your room smells of hookers.
And success
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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