He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize