it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
