They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
