I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
‪Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best. ‬
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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