You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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