We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
