it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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