Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
