From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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