My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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