your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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