Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
