He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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