out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
