What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Randomize
