I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
