would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
