I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
