its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Welp...herpes.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
