you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
