I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
