Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
