wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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