I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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