i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
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That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
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Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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