He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
