Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
