Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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