I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
