you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
please come you make the beer taste better
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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