I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
