You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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