saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
