last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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