Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
