Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
