hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
