It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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