i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
