Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
