Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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