She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
