becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
