if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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