i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
