kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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