just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
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I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
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I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize