So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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