im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize