Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
