Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Boobs speak an international language.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
