'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
