Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
