I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
seriously i just wanna be friends
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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