Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
