Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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