I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
