I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
