I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
