yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
