Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
