therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
