We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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