He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Well I just put wine in my tea
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
