She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
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there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
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I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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