You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
