omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize